Living on the edge…

The last few weeks and days have been incredibly crazy  hectic …. stressful here. I am not usually one to talk much about Dennis on here but lately he seems to be having his own issues with his injury which have been causing me more stress. He is on a one track mindedness route it seems and he can’t seem to get off it. He is literally eating, breathing and living the farm…. which is fine to a point but he gets stressed about things and will only talk about cows, tractors, the rain and how it is going to effect crops, fencing, cows, calves, equipment … did I mention cows? So when I have had to deal with issues with Sam (and believe me these days there have been MANY of them)he is hard to get him to hear me and give me the help I need. He hears me talking but not always hears what I am saying — almost as if I am speaking french to him. The other night Sam was having a major sensory overload issue (he had spent the weekend with grandpa and grandma then came home to 7 people, 5 dogs, the usual Sunday dinner rush, getting lunches ready for school on Monday, dishes to be washed, etc). He was vibrating like mad and his mouth was going a mile a minute to match his attitude. Dennis and my mom were talking and Sam was in his world… I had to take Sam out to the porch to help him to get re-focused on the task at hand and to regroup… Dennis tho most of the night had to keep asking things to be repeated. He said he was not able to follow anything being said and it was extremely evident … to me.
I struggle with pointing out Dennis’ deficiencies. I am always scared I am going to say the wrong thing or not get across what I am trying to say OR that he will think I am treating him like a kid or worse. So I let it all go until I can’t hold it in anymore and then look out. Then I have a melt down … and it ain’t pretty…
I need to learn how to talk to him and let out my frustrations in a healthy way before things get to where I am feeling like I waaaaaay out there on that darn ledge.

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