The most wonderful time of the year!? are you kidding me!?!
I think it is the time of year or something… between Sam and his up and down emotions (well that may be because he is a teen with a BI) and Dennis and his highs and lows… then my dad and his irratic moods… I just want to either scream and yell or sit and cry.
I was visiting with my dad last week (like I usually do on Thursday evenings when the boys are at cadets) and when I went in to see him I was not Jodi… again. I was Lois or Millie (his sisters) or some other name of people I don’t know. I try to giggle with him about it but some days it just hurts. I want to just cry and yell and ask “Why!? Why don’t you ever know me!?” He will recognize other people easily but not me. He will almost always know Dennis… and my mom and his other family members… but not me. I try to tease him that he has forgotten me but really it just kills me. I am his only child…. his ONLY daughter… and he rarely knows my name. He was not at my wedding and he will argue with me that he was NOT there… and yet he was at Dennis’ wedding– but I was not the bride.
That was last week…
And then there is this lovely issue of teen-dom. Stress of things is starting to take its toll on Sam. He has lost 6 pounds, he isn’t sleeping well and he is grouchy a lot. With the Christmas holidays coming and our house being busier with visitors, parties (we just had a surprise party for my mom’s 60th), Sam’s birthday is on the 16th of this month… he seems to be more tired and less happy. 2 weeks ago I got a glimpse of my old Sam (before the accident) and I had to really work hard to not cry when I did. We were traveling to say goodbye to our friends who were out for a visit from New Zealand and Sam and I had the radio cranked and we were singing loudly and laughing… he hasn’t done that in so long. We used to always sing in the car — then there was the accident and the loud music was too much for him, then the music was just too much (different ranges of tones i think) then when he was finally starting to get used to things and settle into his new personality– he gets a cell phone. The cell phone was bought for emergency purposes but since he is still a teen it became more of an extension of his arm and his ear.
It started to cause a great deal of stress in his life…which in turn caused him to lose sleep, not eat, and now that we have weighed in — lose weight (I know only 6lbs… but he is so skinny to begin with that 6 lbs is huge on his frame!) Thankfully we were smart enough to only get a pay as you go phone for him and now he is out of minutes and he has no money so his phone will sit on the counter for a long while until he can learn to handle the stress of a cell phone. We are starting to see glimpses of the old Sam now that there is no extra appendages on his hand ☺ but he is still tired and out of sorts since there is so much of everything else going on too.
I will keep on praying for both dad and Sam…
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